Sunday, January 27, 2008
@ 7:53 PM
Dear God,
On sat, I learnt a precious lesson. How to be a righteous shepherd. Flashbacks were everywhere that night. I once thought im one of the best shepherds around, meeting my sheep almost everyday, thinking of them every now and then, dreaming of them doing great things for you, teaching them to be the best they can be etc etc.
Until one day, i found out something about my sheep which scarred me for life. I thought ive alr given my best, thought that everything is okay in her life, thought that she's mend her ways, give her the authority to do things, help her in her credibility again and again, put my trust in her when everyone think otherwise, love her the way she is etc etc. But i was utterly, totally wrong.
Since then, ive been struggling to give my best to all my sheep, for fear of being hurt, being disappointed. It was the period when daniel knows im living in my own world. Where shepherding becomes a responsibilty, a must, doing without love, giving my minimal. I have not met her for months, avoiding her if i can, no contacts whatsoever. Of cos, you gave me nightmares of her every now and then and i was guilty. But i didn't heed your dreams given me, until yesterday, when the teaching was taught and her face showed up ever so often.
I guess ive not gotten over it yet, but to all my sheep, im doing my best as from now, to give as i was before. Because its not your fault and its not fair for you. Bug me for teachings and i'll give. Tell me you are serious abt growing and i'll definitely groom you to my best. I promise. You'll be in my prayers.
I want to be a righteous shepherd. Lord, help me to forgive and forget, not to have bitterness and to love as how you would. If you may, take the cup away from me. I dun wanna ruin a life.
Amen.
Thank God for giving mi a C5, im truly truly thankful. And for zach, teaching me though im not a good student at all. Your effort is finally paid off after so many years. And thanks for the people who were concerned. :)
elise
Thursday, January 24, 2008
@ 1:48 PM
oh no oh no oh no
i lost that piece of paper.
With my password and results. :(
Will they send the results to me?
while people are gloating over their B3s from a D7, here i am deprived of mine.
OKAY. I shall be patient to wait for the mail. But the process of waiting sucks.
pass or fail, God u decide. help me to react well IF i fail.
So, people, if i fail, be sure i will MIA for awhile. To my hiding place.
But, i'll be fine.
The thought scares me. =/
elise
Thursday, January 17, 2008
@ 7:17 AM
Morning!
you know i was thinking about school and thought there's UT today and it turned out otherwise.
Nevertheless, i was first to appear in class and i conquered the fear of passing the 'mortuary', the darkness of the whole level and quietness of the premise.
Which reminded me of how i overcome my many fears when i first started out. Fear of public speaking, of relating to people, etc etc. And i remembered how God brought me through. I thank God for today that i realised i can be who i am, no need to pretend to be someone im not, to be secure in my simple vocabulary. Indeed i am unique in your sight.
yknow, ive got lotsa thoughts that is within me. Many a times when i thought of sharing them, im afraid of receiving the wrong idea or perhaps giving people the wrong perception and understanding of my thoughts which will in turn make them ponder and wonder what am i thinking about. I am simple, yet my thoughts aren't. If you can understand me just a fair bit of how i derive things, you understand my everything.
Im not a sanguine by nature, but if you have the ability to draw out my thoughts, listen attentively, you have already won me over.
Feel me?
anyway, here's a blog you might want to go to. Interesting and thought provoking posts which will blow your mind. If you do not understand, fear not! Leave a comment and he'll get back to you shortly.
www.thedreamist.wordpress.com
elise
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
@ 3:34 PM
Funny. I received a mail from my team mate which says:
Hey Bimbo GONG GONG Chan....
Here's my logbook!!!!! Dont send to anyone arh!!!! if not u'll remain a bimbo for the rest of your life...
Regards,
Slut
hahah.. my team consist of 4 females and 1 male.
Im the bimbo, the leader's (ruth) a bitch, jeannie's a slut. -.- The rest no names. heh.
HAHA. im a gong gong cos im very gullable in FYP. And she is jeannie ganchiong teh. haha.
okay, sounds abit vulgar here. but i find it super funny.
And the faci called me striper. cos i always strip wires. -.-
We are in BIOmedical engineering for a reason. Haha.
elise
Monday, January 14, 2008
@ 3:28 PM
Yay! Class ended.
I was browsing through blogs and some really made me think, while some blogs somehow talk abt the same things. Like one talk abt broken friendship and the other mentioned abt emotions. Like there's a link in their blogs. But i particularly like this person's blog and read it often if im online. I was telling denise how witty and humorous she can get. And mind you, she can get 230 over comments! And she din even reply to one. Haha.
The power of words.
If your blog is profound, you'll attract the intellects. If your blog is emo, you'll attract the current generation. If your blog is boring, you'll attract no one. Haha. On the other hand, blogs arent ONLY for others to see, but for yourself to know and update like a journal isn't it?
http://www.xanga.com/museerato
elise
@ 1:41 PM
hello world.
Im having a painful day today.
Managed to go school but i was late. In my current condition, i walk like a snail.
But but but!
my spirit is good today. I din have mood swings. :)
And my frens totally freaked me out but i had a good laugh. heh.
SK and me went for a talk today abt water safety which only lasted for 15mins (praise God!1 more pt to go!) then he went for lunch after that, a smoke. Along the way, he acted as a stroke patient and chanted a few sentences. It was totally maluating and everyone was looking at me cos he kept shouting! I was like omg.. but i was laughing out loud also. To think abt it, SK does influence me quite abit and i realised im a meaner person now. Oh man. BAD BAD influence. But i enjoy him. heh.
AND AND AND! Update of my fyp!
The hardware part of the ECG and EMG circuit is completed! Well done for the hardware team! Now, its my turn, as well as ZL to program the thing.
To think we struggled so much in the last sem to communicate and was screwed by the faci so many times. Now, the whole world knows that we are almost complete!
Thank you lord for the grace you've put me through. For the backstabbing of choosing of grp till now. you are indeed faithful. :))
And so many things i wanna thank God for. Back to class. Till then.
elise
Monday, January 7, 2008
@ 10:49 PM
Okay. im supp to study now. But a quarrel just ended.
A fight between the 'Chans' and the 'Eas'.
I was misunderstood.
My sis just mentioned that she wanna backslide.
All just in a span of 1 hour.
But i was reminded.
Five loaves and two fishes.
He can work miracles.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=mNxw90Ayl74&feature=related
this greatly encourages me.
this is when i learn to trust.
"takes my five loaves and two fishes
do with it as u wish
i surrender
takes my fears and inhibitions
all my burdens and ambitions
u can use it all."
elise
@ 2:37 PM
Start of school day. Another 1 month and im outta school.
Im left to think about what i want.
Give me wisdom its all i ask.
you know, im thinking about wad do people do when they are stressed.
Some became cranky, some eat alot, some cry and some dance.
These are the ways they vent their stress.
as for me, i sing. :)
I liked avril lavigne.
Her voice is powerful.
Her songs kept me thinking.
I identified with some.
tomorrow.
peice out my thoughts. if you can.
I liked the way she is.
Not caring how people view her.
She expressed her feelings in songs well.
Sometimes, ive got alot to say.
But it doesn't seem to come out
my thoughts and feelings,
my bad days.
And these words came:
"What’s wrong with my tongue
These words keep slipping away
I stutter, I stumble off
Like I’ve got nothing to say"
-things i'll never say. Avril Lavigne
i shared with someone abt this person
who understood me totally.
without me talking. just the look in my eyes.
tt's why everytime someone do tt, i'll remember the face of tt person.
And i kinda miss this person.
"You see right through me
And I can't hide"
-Naked -Avril
Well, i guess you sure have someone like that in your life, may it be now or in the past.
don't let the friendship pass you by.
wow. i liked this phrase.
If you wanna bring me down
Go ahead and try
-nobody's fool -Avril
elise
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
@ 12:56 AM
I guess this post would be long cos ive got thoughts on my mind. Read it if you want, skip it you cant take it anymore. :)
hmm. Let's just say. New year, new things? The old has gone, the new has come. And i guess for 2007, there are things ive grown in and there are things ive deproved. (if there's such a word)
Areas ive grown in: courage, peace.
Well, alot of things happened and i guess with courage and peace, i wouldn't have overcome it at all. And its a year of changes and emotional torture i would say. But oh well, im glad its over. Thanks for the people who knew and helped mi with it. But i guess somethings are not meant to be dealt together with others. So im glad tt God went thru it with mi totally and sent help all over. :)
Areas ive deproved: love and controlling of emotions.
I used to be more loving than i am now without judging people and really love them as who we are. But i realised tt im not as loving after things happened and i was really tramatised by it. Tho i may not appear discouraged or whatsoever, but deep down, i do feel something. Till now. And i hope the cup will be taken away frm me in this coming new year. If you may. But of cos, to love, is not exactly sth tt i have struggle in, but to trust, is something tt is hindering me from loving to the best i can. If you get what i mean.
In the area of controlling my emotions. I thought i could easily smoked through most people, but to some (close ones) i totally sucked at it. I became angry and impatient when people
pissed me off with their insensitive words or those trying to prove tt they know it all. Esp abt ministry and how i take care of my sheep. okay, i might be proud here but who likes to be bossed around being told what to do every single time, saying tt they are right and u are wrong? Everyone has their methods of doing things and yea, perhaps im wrong, but i cant change overnight isn't it? But yea, i appreciate the talk and hope it doesn't occur again. I view it as putting down instead of building up. And if ever, after a discussion(mostly im not in it), im quiet, means im thinking of things. Im a slow processor of thoughts. So, do not talk to me or rub things in because u know my words can kill at times.
And so, new year resolutions!
I HOPE to grow fatter. Like to 46 kg? If that's possible, praise God. haha. And to eat healthily. More veg and PLAIN water. Which ive been doing recently. But the primary ones would be to disciple YK and Angela to be official ULs! I hope i can do it fast knowing exactly how to go abt doing it.
Yup! that's abt it. HAPPY NEW YEAR! Tho abit late but better than never!
elise
