Tuesday, February 27, 2007
@ 3:26 PM
A prayer that Ive received through an email. Though its a mass sending, its still the thought that counts. How sweet is that. :)
Father, I ask You to bless my friends, relatives and those that I care deeply for, who are reading this right now. Show them a new revelation of Your love and power. Holy Spirit, I ask You to minister to their spirit at this very moment. Where there is pain, give them Your peace and mercy. Where there is self-doubt, release a renewed confidence through Your grace. Where there is need, I ask you to fulfill their needs. Bless their homes, families, finances, their goings and their comings. In Jesus' precious name. Amen.
When you are down to nothing, God is up to something.
elise
@ 12:15 PM
Im supposed to do work now. But the system cock up. So take this time to blog. Blogger nowadays arent very efficient huh? Keep lagging. Hmm. Anw, I learnt something during my QT yst.
[Phi 3: 13b-15]
Forgetting what is behind and straining to what is ahead. I pressed on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if some point you think differently, that too God will make it clear to you.
I really ask God to make it clear to me. To forget everything that is bothering me to move on, the heavy burden that i have to carry etc. If im mature, it should be no problem to me. Im asking God to help me think from other perpective and to understand where the person comes from etc.
Anw, I think God is testing me again. In the area of pride. I took up that challenge and believe God will bring me through because God will not give me something i cannot bear. Jia you! I guess this journey is not going to be easy, but yea, im ready.
To think about it, i think my leaders have very high expectations of me. To become a SDL? Whoo. Im not ready. But do we have to wait till we r ready in order to serve? Precisely we are not ready that's why i need God's wisdom and strength. I remembered Shirls prophesied that God will give me his wisdom if i follow him closely. God's wisdom eh? Do you know how wise is God? Far wiser than you thought. So to get his wisdom is like ......... woah. heh. So yea, hold on closely to me. Don't let me go. Cos im holding on to you.
Whoo. Staying at home for the past day. Felt good in a way.But i cant stand staying at home, doing nothing. So yea. Looking forward to march 6 & 7!!
elise
@ 1:15 AM
Oh man!!
Why am I insecure about things that I dun have to care?
Argh! Silly me. Sometimes i really think i beyond hope in this. Aiyo.
Why am i soo silly? Its just a _____.
Wake up your idea elise. Or ESAD.
elise
@ 12:43 AM
Yea!! Im finally free from work. Been working since 1pm till now. Good money but training my perseverance. Talking about perseverance, i have a question. When do you give up on something that you have been working hard on but see no results? What's the balancing point between waiting and persevering? hmm. People, please if u have any enlightenment on this, do tell me about it. :)
oh yea, Jie Hui's word: Courage and calling. I believe God is trying to tell you that the calling he has prepared for you is something beyond your wildest imagination. What He has called you to do, take courage. For God wil empower you mightyly.
I dunno to feel encouraged or scared. Beyond my wildest imagination.. woah. Now i dun dare to imagine alr. The more i imagine, the more challenging it gets. But to think about it, out of sooo many people, he chose to choose me. So, its kinda encouraging. heh. Mixed feelings. I got lotsa things to handle. Taking up new roles in camp com, PP, FYP, work, Maths Os, restructuring. Woah. Really beyond my imagination. How can i possibly cope? What's the balance here again? Hmm. Still thinking how to handle. Daniel give me more time to take up the challenge yea? Will tell you my answer soon.
All is forgiven. No more guilt and awkwardness. yea.
Less time, more work done shall be how i view my days to come.
elise
Monday, February 26, 2007
BUSY @ 3:08 AM
Long time since i last blogged. Have been real busy these days. Keying in datas etc. Back aching too. Just finished bathing. Felt abit refreshed. Will continue to do my work til around 4 and Im off to bed! Whee. Tmr's a day at home. Oh yea, had a word from Jie Hui through sms. Came at the right time. Thank God for u! Okay, im off for work. update again tmr.
A thousand days cannot compare to one day in your courts.
elise
Sunday, February 18, 2007
@ 12:00 AM
Whoo!!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
A new year, a new hope. A brand new start. :)) Was talking to somebody just now. Received great insights to how to handle people whom pisses u off for no apparent reason. Weird aren't they? Im not going to care. Thanks for all the hypocritical care and concern. Ive seen, been there and experienced it myself. No wonder, no wonder. I just pray that my heart won't be moved. Not at all.
Anw, im going to meet my relatives tmr! Eat and eat and eat. bah kua.. haha. Red packets!
And yea, i did housework! Felt like a housewife for a day. heh. Went grandma's for reunion. And uncle was like: Woah, u are washing dishes ah? -.-''''' of cos i know! Im not tt pampered. Oh well.
These few days not much spiritual insights. Felt as if im not serving as much. Felt as if a day without him. Hmm. Im hungry. Spiritually. Im going to eat.
If you aren't for me, you are against me.
elise
Saturday, February 17, 2007
@ 1:46 AM
Im soo tired. But i just cant sleep! Tossed and turned yst till 5 plus am. Oh man. Wad's wrong with me? I think I need a break. Oh yea, please, if u all see me, remind me NOT to eat prawns. Thanks. Im having its side effects. :(((
God, I pray that u'll grant me peaceful sleep and that I can slp soundly at nite without any sudden disruptions/jerks from my slp. No more dreams or headaches. Just be able to slp and not think of anything else. Hear my prayers like u always did and come to my rescue. Thank you lord. Amen.
My mind is filled with soo many things. So many random and out of nowhere kinda things. I always wake up with something new in my mind, something bad usually and start thinking about it. When i couldn't remember what I know i dreamt about and thinking hard what is it, I'll have headaches. Sometimes i really wonder why my capacity for storage is soo little. While some can memorise things so easily, i need to take days, weeks or even months just to remember a small thing. Oh well, God created things differently. Maybe memorising just isn't my forte.
Okay. Ive prayed. Im going to trust God and try to sleep. Gdnite.
Missing you badly.
elise
Friday, February 16, 2007
@ 2:09 AM
O.o
Having insomnia again. Its 2:09 and here i am. Talking to people and blogging. Hmm. Just realised that simplicity is good. I wanna be simple. Not gullible sort but know what's best and those people are the ones that can receive from God the most. Simple faith, like a child's. That's why children are powerful, aren't they?
Kids might not know everything, but that makes them innocent and pure. Adults know everything, that makes things complicated, scheming and judgemental people. I rather be that innocent, simple and pure in God's eyes.
Living in God's ways can be so hard and simple at the same time.
Anw, spending time with weii is great today. we watched movie with Fengy then eat, talked, walked etc. Walked from Clarke Quay to my hse. haha. We exercised! heh. She asked alot of questions. But thankfully i know how to answer. :) Wanted to cycle, but it rained. Oh well. Nobody's at home today. So weii came to my hse. We had fun and laughter and we went CENTRAL. This new shopping mall at Clarke Quay. Nice romantic place. heh. All centralites should go there. A smaller version of vivo. By the riverside. Alot of good eating places too. 2 thumbs up! :D
AND! CNY's coming! heh. Cant wait to get ang paos. and to relax with family and fellowship with people that u dun meet often. And! im going to be an auntie soon. :) kids kids and kids! My cousins can really give birth. Next in line will be my cousin Juliana and then me! haha. But gotta wait for a period of time before i settle down. Whee! Looking forward to it. Cheers!
Cant believe it. 237am and im soo hyper. Oh well.
elise
Thursday, February 15, 2007
@ 12:39 PM
Saw this kinda sad poem online. But i wouldn't post all. Just a short paragraph of it.
"His friendship means a lot to me,
Although we never had much anything else.
Now I see why God doesn't answer all prayers,
Because some things are left better untouched." -Chole
About this gal(Chole) who happened to fall in love with her friend which don't like her at all. How sad. One-sided love, waiting in pain yet receiving nothing in the end. Oh well. That's about love. I shall wait for the perfect one that God will send. I wanna be S2! SUPER SUPPORTER. To my future spouse. heh. But still kinda long huh.
Anw, a continuation of yst's teaching. "God's reproductive community."
Basically, Ive learnt tt God doesn't just build community. But he wants a godly one. One with quality. I guess community here means your grp. Cos it says that we may have small beginnings, but start your small beginniings with a high quality one. Then, it will receive its maximum inpact in a way that God's anointing will be upon them. Let's just say the high quality is FATS(faithfulness, availability,teachability and submissive), God will be able to bless more compared to the grps that lack of it. Because in the first place they deserved the credit.
"YOUR GRP MAY BE SMALL, BUT IT WUN REMAIN SO." - CENTRAL C
Tt's my conviction. Its whether u wanna do it or not. Ive been through it and there u see. Central C building strong gals! So u can do it too! :)))
A community that reproduce without ceasing.
[psa 1:3] go read tt verse. But wad caught me again was: When God starts, nobody can stop it. When God owns our goal, nobody can stop the growth.
Reproducing to fill the world.
No excuse for planting churches.
Go! And on the way, make disciples.
Go! Even though we are only 1 believer
Whatever it is, don't hestitate, but GO!
haha. that's why the world is not big enough for godly people. If one person take one continent, the world will be won long ago. Or maybe if one person takes a country, it will be won soon too!
elise
@ 12:44 AM
Im pretty tired actually. But I know i got lotsa things i have yet to do. Trying to figure out what comes first. N yay! Im shepherding Weii tmr again. Cos the rest is not free. =( Anw, now i understand why the available can learn soo much more! Cos when they are free, we(as sheherds) can inpart more to them. Gonna have lunch with her then maybe we can study maths together then sleep at my house! heh. What an exciting day. Wanted to go tanning. But she's alr very chao ta. =/ So, mayb after CNY. Anw, im having 9 weeks of holiday! Whee!
Oh yea. Thx for the chocolates and the flower. Appreciate it. That's really sweet of u peeps. Not to forget, the fellowship outside pangya and the games we played.
Haven finish what Ive learnt in LC. "The significance of biblical reproduction."
Basically, its about having offsprings and its biblical to do so. heh. So, next time i want to have my own children instead of adopting. In order to preserve my family line. haha. And it says that having children will train your characters. For eg: patience, self control etc. But something hit me tho. I wrote:
You will get what you believe. If it belongs to the servant of God, God will take care.
O.o
Its like God telling me that He'll take care of me because im serving him. Therefore, he WILL NOT short change me. That, includes my maths. elise, u gotta have tt winning response!
elise
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
@ 11:57 PM
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, NICK!"
hey. Din get to affirm u jus now. Too paiseh to say. heh. Well, from what I see, I can tell that you are actually a very loving person. Always wanting the best for your people. To improve on cg, looking for new ideas etc. And from the affirmation today, I learn that u are actually very humble. To be corrected by your sheep takes humility. To learn from others you are not very familiar with and to take up something that is not really you to do it. For eg: dota heh. I understand this, cos im in that position before. =)
AND! I think you really desire the things of God! Like what Zach said, i totally agree with him! Was really amazed by tt desire of yours. A deep hunger to fellowship with godly people and to learn so much from them. Keep it up!
heh. Hope i really did affirm u. =)
Anyway, I concluded tt i HAVE to pass my O level E maths. I cant let myself down. I need to live like a champion. So my mind must first think like one. And to the people tt believe me. Thanks Shickz, Jac, Qal, Jim, Jason etc. And Zach. For 'scolding' me real hard. Im awake. Already.
Promise to teach me yea? Dun let me have the chance to slack/waste time etc.
Yawns. Im tired. Gonna slp soon. Haven share what ive learnt. Tmr? heh. If u peeps are looking forward to it. =)
elise
Saturday, February 10, 2007
@ 11:35 AM
"Sometimes the ones you love hurt you the most."
Had a small conversation with mum today.
Mum: So how?
Me: Retake lor
Mum: huh? Retake again? Why are you so lousy in this?
Me: I dunno. No choice, need it to graduate
Mum: Taking with Kelly(my sis) this year?
Me: yea.
Mum: I think you'll still stuck in this while she pass her maths
Kelly: She's really lousy.
Yesterday's conversation with my bro
Vince: Fail ah?
Me: yea
Vince: sigh. You so lousy. I help u retake lar, sure pass one.
Me: ...
Why am i always in this kind of situation? Year after year. People lose faith in my studies. Gradually, i dun believe myself either. People might not say it, but in their heart of hearts, they have alr given up on me. I din expect it to happen, yet again and again, my studies fail me. People say: If you are serving God, He will not short change u. How true is that sentence?
Maybe God is testing me. Maybe im not serving hard enough. Maybe God has other plans for me. Maybe maybe. Why doesn't he reveal it to me?
One of my downest moment in my life. Dun ask if im okay. Obviously im not. But what can you do? See the ugly side of me? laugh? How unspiritual I am? Sigh. I dunno what im doing. Im having very mixed feelings. Random thoughts, feelings, decisions etc.
And. worst of all, grandma has intestine cancer. Operation is necessary. Well, soon and very soon, i'll grow to be numb towards it. 'Shrugs'
I dunno what to expect. Or maybe an expectation is not even necessary. With high expectations comes great disappointment. So, maybe i shouldn't expect at all.
Above all, my unexpectant result, my unwholesome talk with God, my disappointment with my family's speech etc, I still must declare that God is good, ALL the time.
Precisely all these happened, I can no longer depend on myself. I still need his wisdom, his guidance, comfort etc upon my life. Once again, only Him can truly fill my heart. Only Him can complete me.
Im holding on to u
Always and forever
elise
FAILURE @ 12:24 AM
"DISAPPOINTMENT IS JUST A MOMENTARY FEELING"
Go away satan. Get behind me.
Im sick of people telling me: Woah, u failed again? How many times alr? I help u take lar. Try harder. Maybe the effort is not enough. Maybe u r just LOUSY. Forget it, u'll never make it. Give up.
Oh man. These are getting into me. Just had a trashing session with God. No answer given. Nothing at all. Well, i just got to trust. 2007 will be a HECTIC year for me. PP, FYP, Exam, ministry, school, work etc. How am i going to cope with all these things? ROAR!!! Thanks for giving me all these things, and where are you when i needed u the most?!
No amount of encouragement can help solve the problem. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! you will never understand the pain of taking maths for 3 freaking years YET still couldn't make it. This SUCKS. big time. :((((
Okay, enough of ranting. I still have to move on to get a diploma. Whatever mistakes tt I've made, I'll learn. Challenges are there for a reason. Not to beat me down but to spur me on to take that one step of faith. I will trust that u'll bring me through despite the many doubts i have. Faith is hoping what u do not yet see.
Jia you elise, you can do it. Tgt with u.
your presence means so much to me.
elise
Friday, February 9, 2007
@ 12:12 AM
Hey! Im back to revive my blog! haha. Learnt alot in the LC. Too many things to be shared in just one post. But first, teaching was great! Of cos, i learnt alot of things but i haven process my learnings yet. So, i shall share about my fellowship with the people. Was the only gal from central that went. Stick with Daniel all the way. haha.
Basically, we have 4 hours of free time. Some went swimming, sleep etc. I obviously couldn't swim so i went jogging instead, with jie hui and raph. Died halfway. Ran back to the room. hah. But before that, we played some card games. Snap jack, dai di, bridge and panic. My hand was totally red but i wasn't the last tho. heh. But, the main thing was the panic.
Played until had abasions. The game's really violent. U shld have been there to see man. I took the card and everybody chiong for my card. I felt violated. HAHA. SOME were even on me. But in the end, i got the card. yays. Me and Jasmine had some minor wounds, scratches and blood. But we had fun. You can see the competitiveness in people. Well, i myself am one. :))
Oh yea, learnt something. God is not a concept whereby you know him theologically but more of experiencially. Spend time with Him and you'll know that He's the ONLY one that can complete you.
Into your hands
I commit again.
elise
Tuesday, February 6, 2007
@ 2:01 PM
Whoo! Im going for LC(leadership Conference) in less than 4 hours! So, I'll be away from today till thurs afternoon. heh. Gonna learnt SOOO much. A reproducing church series. Guess like what Jie Hui said, LC's mainly about fellowshipping with the international pastors, enjoying yourselves and learning from various leaders I guess. AND! Im slping with Shirls! Our youth pastor. Gonna bombard her with questions. If I could think of any.
However, Im not feeling too well tho. Had cramps. Very bad ones. =/ First time in my life. But! Im not going to let this hinder me from learning! So, God I pray that u'll take away the pain as i faithfully take my medicine and have good rest so that I'll be effective in learning and sharing to my people what Ive learnt! AND! help me not to be too slpy in the teachings and give me strength whenever i need it. PLUS! Not to be lost in JB and give me the directions to the right place. LASTLY, grant me the ability to ask as many questions as possible so as not to miss the chance away! AMEN!
Going to have anatomy and physiology test later on. Studied alr. Hope I can get at least a B. heh. Okay, im off to prepare myself and to do all those neccessary last min things. Cya on thurs! :D
A learning leader is a growing leader.
elise
Monday, February 5, 2007
@ 1:29 PM
If you feel that blessings pass you by,
And for you life seems abit unfair,
Just remember, christ was born to die,
And in His great salvation you can share
I like this poem. That if we considered our life bitter, what about Jesus? We are born to live and then die. But he came TO die. Oh well, so stop complaining life's unfair, for life's never fair, but God is always faithful.
Anw, life is a gift from God right? Therefore, live your life for God.
Whatever you are going through, i believe there's a reason for it. May it be growth, a testing or a moulding of your character. So, dun give up. Stay strong, jus like those kidney patients. :)
elise
Saturday, February 3, 2007
@ 12:35 PM
Whoo!
A brand new day, a brand new start! Today's gonna be a long day out. But Im anticipating for today's sermon, seed meet, meeting my people and soo much more. Gotta start my day with something's positive. With a positive mind, everything will turn out right.:) Furthermore, our mind/concept determines our behaviour ultimately. okay, im off to prepare for seed, writes card for my banabas and to prepare my heart for laters. Maybe will share what i learnt at night!
They are new every morning,
great is thy faithfulness.
Lam 3:23
elise
Friday, February 2, 2007
@ 2:28 PM
Tmr's mum's bday. Can tell that she quite unhappy about certain things in her life when she briefly shared her life to me this morning. She sounded sad. She even asked me whether I remembered her bday. And of cos, me and my brother wanna do sth to surprise her but I guess she wouldn't be at home.
Haven thot of wad to buy. But i know what she wanted isn't just gifts. And i know I cant help. But mum, whatever decision u make, i just hope u wun regret and I'll be supporting u. Together with Vince, u know we will. Since few years back. Be strong.
Hope all these will end soon. Since today u said within this year, so dun look back, do what u want to do and help end it for us.
Anyway, dad's anniversary is on Valentine's day. Looking forward to it. Haven seen him for so long. Kinda miss him. But what's gone is gone. No use dwelling upon it. Move on gal.
Behind every smile
hides sweet sorrow
elise
DISTRACTED @ 12:04 AM
Im very much distracted in class today. Learnt about a very interesting topic. 'WHY SEX?' It's anotomy and physiology class. Did about asexual and plants reproduction. Quite interesting tho.
My team was rather crappy today, Andrew said Afif was bisexual, Afif said Andrew was transexual and they both said im asexual. Zzz. If you know the meaning. Malini was laughing and Hafiez in his own world. Wasn't really concentrating but i keep hearing my name and staring faces. Presentation was okay tho. Pratically stared at my RJ and wrote only 5 lines? But God is good, I always get a B without fail. :D
Dunno why im soo distracted this few days. Cant even slp well. Having nightmares every night, those i woke up having cold sweat and a pale face. And im struggling to wake up. Of cos, school's affected. So, i went running, hoping that I can tire myself and fall asleep again. With no dreams, or just sweet dreams. :)
A little learning today on the train.
The world's filled with so much good
Little things that brings us pleasure
But christ can fill our life with joy
Beyond all earthly treasure- Sper
Was reminded by the song:
Nothing in this world can satisfy me, only u alone can fill me up..
elise
