Wednesday, January 31, 2007
EXPOSED!! @ 11:12 PM
Interesting day Ive got. The sequence was: work, meet jo, went home with wei ting. Work was hectic, with only me, auntie, JL, desmond. Was able to cope but had lotsa customers. Jimmy helped. But Alvin came tho. And im bombarded with questions.
Meeting up with Jo wasn't fruitful. Travel here and there, was supp to meet her at 630pm at bugis, drag till around 740pm at ps. Was abit irritated but still I love my sheep. So was willing to travel the distance. Reach there was about half dead, legs very wobbly with all the standing at coffee bean. So we went dinner with Angela and gang. Was chatting abt alot of things, super funny ones. But not appropriate to share here. But hint! criteria of guys and abt chest hairs! LOL!! haha. Basically, I just laugh throughout the whole session of conversation. Din really contribute to anything. heh. Basically, I just enjoy them alot. :D
So why exposed? That wei ting lar! Funny sheep. Went home with her. Took 16 tgt. Pretty packed. A guy was sitting behind us. As usual, we talked and laughed at our own stupidity. Then when I was about to alight, wei ting suddenly said pretty loudly.
weii: hey! u wearing *** today?
me: (stared at her and gave a weak smile) dun tell you!
HAHA! The guy behind just looked at me as I brisked out of the bus. Sooo maluating. I kept laughing at myself. Always doing stupid things. Elise elise, how blur can u get?
Oh, then a random thot came to my mind.
" What do you love and hate the most?"
My answer: building relationships.
elise
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Learnings! @ 11:55 AM
Well, i learnt about this: that comparing your life with someone u see is not a fulfilling quest. For Jesus' own words are 'Follow Me.' And that's how to know life's best. :) Therefore, for those who keeps comparing yourself with others, i guess its like chasing after the wind. There's no end to it. So, might as well live with what you have and make full use of it rather than dwelling on what you do not have. Besides,
"NO DECEPTION IS MORE DANGEROUS THAN SELF-DECEPTION"
So, don't deceive yourself anymore.
Where God's finger points, His hand will make the way.
elise
Sunday, January 28, 2007
YOU @ 11:44 PM
My world is closing in
On the inside
But I'm not showing it
When all I am is crying out
I hold it in and fake a smile
Still I'm broken
I'm broken
Only one can understand
And only one can hold the hand
Of the broken
Of the broken
When no one else knows how I feel
Your love for me is proven real
When no one else cares where I've been
You run to me with outstretched hands
And You hold me in your arms
Again
I need no explanation of why me
I just need confirmation
Only You could understand the emptiness inside my head
I am falling
I am falling
I'm falling
down upon my knees
To find the one who gives me peace
I am flying
Lord I am flying
I have come to you in search of faith
Cause I can't see beyond this place
Oh You are God and I am man
So I'll leave it in Your hands
This song touched me dearly. Everything's fine but it expresses how i feel when im feeling down. Esp the chorus. When im misunderstood, you stood for me. Thanks God. You'r the best!
elise
Saturday, January 27, 2007
True friendships last- forever @ 12:34 AM
Was talking to XiuQi online just now. Telling her about my day and about friendships ive had back here in spore. Wasn't exactly feeling very good. Searched for people online to talk to, but found none that i can confide in. Till I found her. It was a very rewarding talk and both of us were encouraged altogether.
You know what? I realised that friends are part of parcel of life. Life's just like a colorless picture, but with good friends around you, its filled with colors and much prettier. That, is my definition of life. Other than serving God and all. you've got only one life, live it all for all you care but don't waste my precious life away.
Anw, like wad ive said, was mentioning to her about what happened to me recently, complaining and all till im tired of typing and ranting. And all she said was: hey eva, jia you.
There and then, i teared. ( for once submitting to pride) She said she's my number 1 supporter and a fan of mine. ( that silly gal) Which i know she meant it from her heart. :) How sweet of her. Then the ultimate sentence came: Life's never been the same without you. Aww. my heart melted. But its really true. Life without her seems less childlike, so empty. Now ive learnt to treasure you ALOT more. Seriously. Though we r far apart (in distance and character), we never fail to encourage one another, cry with each other, laugh at ourselves and basically, do life tgt. I really miss those days. AND, WE'LL SPEND ETERNINTY TGT!
And, u affect me too! When u'r sad, im sad. When u'r happy, i'll rejoice tgt with u. When u'r lost, i'll be your compass. When u'r slandered, i'll stand up for u. When u'r alone, i'll be there for u. When u'r misunderstood, i feel for u. And when u need me, im just a msn/email away.
Sometimes i think im rather naive to believe everything that people says. But if i dun, im doubting their characters. That's why i choose to believe rather than doubt. but how many times have i been disappointed? That's when ive learnt that i cant please everyone. Be my friend or my foe.
"Being relational is my strength and my greatest weakness."
How true is that?
If i have to let go, i will, by all means.
elise
Friday, January 26, 2007
@ 12:37 PM
Udurawana finished his English exam and came out.
His friends asked him how he did his exam. He replied "Exam was okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, thought, and thought, at last I wrote THUNK!!!"?
Im bored in class. Saw this email that Andrew sent. Heh. Funny rite? BTW, I SAID I"LL GO WITH GUAVA! Which means, i'll go. Never ps her. GUAVA, i'll go WITH u and buy tgt. I can always buy anytime. and why do people only see what's bad posted on the blog and not the good side? I guess that's human's nature to look to the bad side?
elise
DONE! @ 12:15 AM
Whee! I finally went to shop till I drop! LOL. Bought 3 tops and 1 bottom. Like it pretty much. My mum likes it too. Think she gonna get it too. =S Anyway, today had a fun time shopping with my sheep. Relationship was built up once again. Was glad that I din rejected the offer to queensway. Was rather restless on my journey there. But it turned out to be fruitful. I made a secret prayer to God too! And, doubtlessly, he answered. :D Well, God is faithful just like mums are faithful to nag at us! Haha.
And guess what? Several mini miracles happened today. First, my mum wanted to cook for mi and my brother. She said we are under-fed, lack of this and that, and she intiated to make up soup for us. But oh well, me and my brother will not be home early so she went out with my sister instead. But well, she WANTED to cook for us. Which is a good sign. I miss home cooked food. =/ Another miracle is that Winnie can come out late to join us for dinner and shopping! Was glad that she did. Very blessed by her life. A humble gal indeed. ELISE! Learn from her!
yay! Meeting Joanne tmr at VIVO. Gonna eat superdogs! Dunno wad's that tho. But i guess its sth nice. Cant wait to meet her. heh. I LOVE MY SHEEPS! OOH! AND, JIMMY'S COMING DOWN ON SAT! whee! double happiness! im over the moon! heh. waiting for guava's reply tho. But i wun give up. Ask until she relents. hahahhah.
okay, its late. tmr's class cant be late or I'll get another C again. so gdnite folks!
elise
Thursday, January 25, 2007
@ 12:12 PM
Im bored in school. My team mates watching prison break when we are supp to do work. I finished my part. About kidneys, urine, some very chim stuff. Waiting to go for lunch, waiting for Marlene. Some of my friends going for blood donation and as usual, I cant. Think I'll faint if i do so. heh. Lack of blood then people gotta donate to me. haha.
Faci says i can twist my legs very well. Wad fisherman knot?! =/ Guess i did tt cos im cold in class den i tend to do that. Then everybody started looking at my legs. -.-'' I just stared at the faci and gave a weak smile. Cos im wearing skirt. Zzz..
Anw, I hope class will end early today. Cos im meeting my sheep. Need to travel a long way. Quite eager but yet nth to do oso. Oh well. Anw, im supp to compile the slides. Almost 30 slides in total. Will have a fun time presenting later. :) Ciaoz. HUNGRY!
elise
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
@ 11:16 PM
Had a fruitful day today! Basically, I went for CG! Was blessed yet again. Games was fun, worship was alrite and teaching was bullet train fast! But what amazes me are those stories they shared before cg uring their stayover at Lijin's place. Whoo. Pretty disgusting tho. Quite stumbling. Just imagine with me. 2 gals kissed each other on the lips?! Hmm. I never do that before. At least not with the same gender. haha. Lesbian tendency. =/
Had shepherding with weii. We were pretty tired after everything, but we had fun learning God's word and sharing lives. Got to know her abit better again. :) Wanted to shop for New year clothes today. But end up going nexus to support my gals. They are performing! This sat, somerset 3pm! JIMMY and GUAVA! Hope u all can come. :D
Who wanna go shopping with me? Just those shop whole day then get all the things at one shot. Dun wanna drag anymore. Zzzz..
elise
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
@ 11:33 PM
Long day in school. Cutting wires again. My forte. haha. Had some gd jokes in school though. Myt friend thot im a spy for the other friend from Sri Lanka. Then dun dare do this and that for fear of being killed. LOL. Very lame lar they all. So eventually I became the assasin. lol. dunno why also. Oh well.
Was quite tired, slpt on the train and woke up just in time not to miss my stop. Was surveyed by a guy. Asking about vday and all. hmm. this kinda survey also exist? Went home then immediately bathe. Just in case im too lazy to do so. heh. Was freezing cold. Shivering in my bathroom. Brr.. Continued the book too. Here's a sentence from it:
"But people themselves alter so much, that there is something new to be observed in them for ever."
How true eh? Even if u know somebody very well, there are always things for u to find out about tt person. There's nothing u cant find out about. And, people change overtime.
elise
Thanksgiving @ 1:34 AM
OOH. Before I forget, wanna thank God for daniel for providing me laksa, ramily, goreng pisang and the drink. had fun chilling out with u just now!
Zach for the mutton soup
Afif for the asam massin
Maliga for the fererro chocolates
God's providence was really there. Was hungry but forgot to bring money remember? Den God provided. And i eat more than usual. heh. Was basically eating the whole day. :) Thank God for u all once again! cheers!
elise
Numbers?! @ 12:45 AM
I seriously cant remember numbers. Telephone numbers, birthdates, anything to do with numbers. especially formulas. Guess that's why i failed maths. =/ So, asking me to remember numbers is awfully hard. I dun even remember my home number. wad do u expect? well well well. Im just bad with numbers. Trying my best yet cant rem after awhile. Dun expect much when it comes to that.
School's disastrous for me. C PROGRAMMING! I dun understand a thing at all. So obviously, i din do the practical thing and my whole grp relied on me for the theory part. I did my part tho. In the end, nobody did the programming. -_-''
Oh, the day started with me forgetting to bring wallet and i went back just to take it when im at the lift going down to the lobby. Then, was late for school, couldn't find my lab, disturbed by my male classmates. Forgot to put money in my wallet. Sigh.. wad a day. But school ended well. It ended at 320pm instead of the usual 4pm. Met Daniel, discussed abt structure, walk around cwp den i went to the library. Borrowed the book- pride and prejudice', quite an interesting book. A quote from it:
"Pride, is a very common failure I believe, but human nature is particularly prone to it, and that they are very few of us who do not cherish a feeling of self-complacency on the score of some quality or other, real or imaginary."
Food for thought here. Guess we are very proned to pride. Everyone has it. U may know it, u may not. But it's something u have that sometimes u wanna take control of. Dun let it run wild. It can be a very dangerous thing. Shall stop here. gdnite.
elise
Sunday, January 21, 2007
@ 1:58 AM
I wondered who understood the flower post yesterday. I got it from my fren's blog. Took me awhile to understand. But i find it pretty interesting tho. heh. Anyway, there's CLM today. Was about church planting. How cool izit to church plant, the planning process, the preparation, finance, your heart attitude blah blah blah. I also wanna go. Anywhere also can. But i guess some things are restricting me. FINANCE. Well. Sad to say. Obviously cant go Perth lar. Dun even bother to ask me. Just making me sad and all. But im going LC during Feb. A REPRODUCING CHURCH. Gonna learn from there and impact my people. heh. Not so bad after all. :)
Learn alot frm service today. But simply put, this sentence struck me.
"If I take sin lightly, I take the cross lightly"
Oh yea. worship was ministering today. The song that we sang- im forever yours, had other meaning to me because I heard God whispering:
Hold me now,
and never ever let me go,
my elise
my precious elise
im forever yours.
oh man. Im totally touched. Tho i know that he's not just mine alone. But still. Anyway, i dunno whether izit me or izit God. But we sang this song for quite a number of times. Dunno whether izit a reminder from God or am i thinking too much. Oh well. Seems like God asking me not to let him go. Which, i dun intend to. haha.
Alrite, its late. Having ULM later. Cant wait to share my testimony! heh. Gdnite!
elise
Saturday, January 20, 2007
@ 1:48 AM
The flower
It once shone with pride and stood with confidence.
Now the flower withers slowly
Fading after experienced growth and beauty
However the will of the flower remains as strong as ever.
Disheartening it may be,
but water must still be showered upon
To ensure the best that it can be.
Stay strong, my flower.
elise
@ 1:24 AM
Was reading certain blogs. Some really encouraged people, some talked about random things, some talked about making impacts, some about dreams. Yet, some about discouragements, some about past bad experience, some about work, some about family issues.
I dunno why im blogging about this. But somehow or another, all these blogs did have an impact on me. May it be good or bad. I learnt some things from every blog. May it be their characters, their learnings about certain things, their life blah blah.
What im trying to say is: does reading blogs help u to think properly or just kowing another people's life? What are u trying to find out/hoping to find out about another person through their blog?
Oh well, im supposed to be sleepy. Gdnite.
elise
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
@ 11:57 PM
O.o
Tmr's gonna be a long day. Had sch and then FYP meeting. God is really amazing. Remember I was vexing over my FYP team? I couldn't find any cos i was left behind by my team mates. :( Then I was really desperate for people but I couldn't find any. So i prayed. heh. N God really answered my prayer! hee!! First, he sent Ruth(my classmate) den after that he sent Gerlisa den he sent this unknown guy, (Zhi Long i guess) to us! Hope we can work well tgt! And from this little testimony that I had, I can say that God is good, ALL the time! :D
Oh. today stayed home in the evening. Was locked out of the house. Forgot to bring keys. So, as usual, i stoned outside my hse. This is the punishment for not bringing keys for the millionth time! Then i started to think again. This time thinking about my sheep. Spent the whole day with Jo Ang. Was pretty unfruitful and tiring. Went here and there. Played games on my lappy. Stoned. Then i asked her:
"How do u define 'being close' to your sheep?"
I guess i dunno how to answer either. To spend more time tgt? To share everything under the sun? Or what? As for me, i think its to be truthful on how u feel about certain things. but i think i haven really go think abt tt question. Can your sheep be your closest friend?
elise
@ 3:16 AM
Din post for 2 days! Just wanna share my experience on stage. Basically, it was SCARY! but nevertheless an fruitful experience. I was practically shivering on stage. N i couldn't believe that I said I was nervous to the crowd. It was a sharing abt evagelism momentum in my group. A pretty short one, but it took me great courage to put it across. I hope that it was impactful though. :) Was stoning at the crowd for a few seconds before I could talk. The audience seemed to be staring at me waiting for me to present my speech. Thank God i had the support of Daniel and the rest. The real testimony came out much much better than the rehearsed one. (i took 30s to finished what I needed to say). Thank God that i din stone at the audience and look blankly at them. N, thank God for the prayer that Daniel made.
Woah. I tell u ah. God is really amazing. Every prayer that I made, he will make it some true. I said i wanted to be more courageous, the next moment he sent me a testimony to share with the whole church. I said i wanted to more humble, he let me go thru certain things that requires me to take the first step. I said i wanted to have more leadership skills, he put me into this FYP team whereby I have to lead. Well God, if i said i want to be fatter, would u turn me into a pig? haha.. just kidding.
I think God favours me alot. This kinda thing is really a blessing. Just take work as an eg. I seldom work in CBTL, yet desmond still promote me and I managed to pass the test. I guess if i have the required time to promote again, i will go for another one. How wonderful God is to his children. Its just more than words could express itself. Its just soo amazing.
Give thanks, with a grateful heart. I know that all these are God-given. I will not take it for granted. That, is the priviledge of serving God. No longer emptiness in living without knowing where u wanna go, or pursuing something that is just temporal or working till the end of time. Come on! Life's more than that. Of cos serving God aren't a bed of roses, but u'll experience that kind of joy that the world will never be able to provide and the guranteed eternal rewards in heaven. That's what life is about. I hope u get what I mean.
elise
@ 2:45 AM
"Sometimes the greatest journey is the distance between 2 persons"
Came across this quote when im at cine with Qal and Guava. Thot it sth worth thinking about. I guess its true sometimes.
elise
Sunday, January 14, 2007
@ 2:22 AM
I'm tired now. Have been eating eating and eating. Guess that's the way to numb oneself? With food? Oh well. I gotta move on with the movers. Settled one things alr. And im gonna help STC grow like never before! God, use me to reveive the sch. Im gonna do sth, and im going to do it real soon. Help me and be in this together with me. No more time for discouragements. I've got so much more to focus and think of.
God, heal my emotions and help me to trust again. It's not easy, but im gonna give it a try anyway. I dun believe i will be defeated in this small little thing. Help me to be biblical in my decision and firm about what I believe in. Help me to stand once again and to face the music together with you. I believe that you are always there for me just like how the rain is always there when I'm feeling lousy and somehow the rain becomes like a covenant u have with me. Anyway, I'll trust in your ways for you said that your grace is sufficient for me. Amen.
I'll disciple unless you choose to give up on yourself.
elise
@ 1:47 AM
Was feeling like crap just now. Still dwelling on what has happened. Guess it came as a shock to me. But God was faithful. He sent Haiqal, Jinqi, Steph Chua,Sherlyn and Wei ting to speak to me and it encouraged me somehow.
Msn conversation with Steph:
(+)stephzzz...reality,pains of this world-everything can change in just an inkling of an eye says:After svc I had seed meet... Actually elise, I thought that your meeting was quite okay... Though you may tend to speed up, you elabrate on a point alot and give us sayings, which I think is very useful as we have time to write as well as understand the point better sayings also help us enhance our knowledge...so YUP YUP! haha I think you're a great leader! haha
(+)stephzzz...reality,pains of this world-everything can change in just an inkling of an eye says:change not quite ok
(+)stephzzz...reality,pains of this world-everything can change in just an inkling of an eye says:but super good!
elise says:thx!
(+)stephzzz...reality,pains of this world-everything can change in just an inkling of an eye says:hehe glad to be in ur dmm! haha
O.o Pretty interesting eh. Quite out of a sudden thingy.
Devine's wei ting.
devine says:and i jus wanna say that god believes in you, that you're the bestest best in His eyes.you matter, really. so continue on your focus on God, and he'd take you through this period.
I simply love this sheep. :)
SHEl2LYN my redeemer lives(: says:sherlyn loves you yes she does. always letting her call chicken girl. and for the songs today, she is indeed thankful for. yes sherlyn loves you yes sherlyn loves you yes sherlyn loves you and elise will now know(:
Was talking to her on msn. How sweet.
As for Qal, he seemed to be always there when i needed someone. Well, I din tel u wad exactly happened, but u always encouraged me when i feel like crap. And amazingly, u seemed to know when im feeling that way. Oh well.
My brother is pretty nice today too. He cooked magi for me. heh. He claimed to cook the best magi. And, i think he picked up a new habit: dancing! LOL. Very funny. The way he shakes his butt and all. haha. He's such a funny dude. Anyway, going for supper now! 2:03am.
elise
Saturday, January 13, 2007
@ 1:25 AM
Was reading the bible and this came:
The wise and the foolish builders
"Why do you call me, 'lord, lord,' and do not do what I say?
I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears
my words and puts them into practice. He is like a man building a house,
who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it,because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collasped and its destruction was complete." [Luke 6:46-49]
In times of testings, what juice comes out from you?
elise
Friday, January 12, 2007
IMAGINE ME WITHOUT YOU @ 2:20 AM
This song came right after i blogged earlier on. Guess its an encouragement from God? See? you are forever faithful. :)
As long as stars shine down from heaven
And the rivers run into the sea
Til the end of time forever
You're the only love I'll needIn my life
You're all that matters
In my eyes the only truth I see
When my hopes and dreams have shattered
You're the one that's there for me
When I found You I was blessed
And I will never leave You, I need You
Chorus:
Imagine me without You
I'd be lost and so confused
I wouldn't last a day, I'd be afraid
Without You there to see me through
Imagine me without You
Lord, You know it's just impossible
Because of You, it's all brand new
My life is now worthwhile
I can't imagine me without You
When You caught me I was falling
You're love lifted me back on my feet
It was like You heard me calling
And You rush to set me free
When I found You I was blessed
And I will never leave You, I need
Highlighted ones are those that really expressed how i feel. N it somewhat touched me deeply. Thanks for everything lord. I wun give up, i wun. [2 cor 4:8-9]
elise
@ 1:09 AM
Question of the day: Is it possible to like 2 person at the same time???
Man! I just dun get it. Dun get it! At this rate im going, I think im going crazy soon. I cant believe i got soo frustrated till my nose bleed. =/ ARGH! Blood seems to be coming out from everywhere. I think Im stressed. utterly utterly utterly. ELISE!! Learn to relax. Chill chill chill. Tmr's gonna be a better day. BUT, to think about it, im UTTERLY disgusted. One of the few times I got pissed, besides arguing with people. (roll eyes)
Just realised that certain blogs are linked to some other blogs. Linked as in their blogs seemed to be talking abt similar incidents or even replies to one another's blog. Interesting eh? Mostly guys and girls. If u want to find out more, read more blogs. You'll realise it yourself too.
Some thoughts are just up my mind. Some thoughts that are not meant to be shared. Cos i promised someone and i'll keep my promise. BUT BUT BUT!! izit really possible?? somebody, pls enlighten me. 2 PERSON?? man man man. yucks. On the other hand(giving the benefit of doubt), izit a feeling that people cannot control? But wad abt married couples? Cant they control their hormones? Their feelings? If so, i'll rather not get married. Seriously. I hate unfaithfulness.
Feel so lousy now. why izit my mind is soo active around this time? 1:53am. I cant help but think of anything and everything. Family's ok now, yet my ministry's crumbling. Why cant i balance it well? Is God testing me? Asking me to rely on him more? To be guided? To have more peace in him which the world cant provide? I dunno. But i know one thing: God is always there for me. Yes God, im going thru this tgt with u. Dun let me go. Dun leave me alone. This feeling totally s****
Im lost yet again. I need a direction. A compass in my life. Someone i can count on, knowing that she/he will not betray me. Ive experienced betrayals after betrayals, hurts after hurts. i dunno who to trust, i dunno who are my real friends and worst of all, im losing myself. my friends say im naive. Izit the truth? But if i doubt them, they'll say i dun trust them. So what's the balance? If you get it, u get it, if u dun, forget it. =/ What's going on? Tell me.
elise
Thursday, January 11, 2007
@ 12:47 AM
I LOVE YOU XIUQI!!
haha. You simply rock my world. With your assuring words, your mushy speech and just being you. Your 'u have me always', 'u are always on mymind' and 'i will be back in spore' always brightens up my day. You never fail to put a smile on my face. :) July seems soo far away, yet im really looking forward to see you every single day. We gotta catch up once u'r back. Just realised how much i miss u. Yea, once again i say that yet once again i know that u r always there when i need u, even though u r soo far away from me(physically). Learnt much from u, how u sacrifice for your ppl, your great listening skills and counselling skills never fail to amaze me time and time again. Whoo. Such a wonderful friend u are. AND! YOU ARE NOT FORGOTTEN TOO! In addition, you are always in my prayer, asking God to keep watch over u, protect u from harm and etc. Friends forever! Sound abit cliche but i really mean it. :)
Ooh. Today went to work. Usually busy. Maybe due to lack of staff? I dunno. But its the lst time i worked till i perspire. heh. And, Alvin Yip came, this time he didn't comment on my hair. Phew. Anyway, the highlight was, I got 2 complimentary pass from my customer. She said she got no time to watch and thereby pass it to me. And guess wad? Its eragon! O.o, God answered my prayer abt me wanting to watch eragon for a long time and he blesses me just today. How cool is that. Cheers to God.
Today's such a lovely day. A great day that I've spent. A special day for me at least. The day I spent with u.
Anyway, Im gonna sleep alr! Eyelids refused to open any longer. Tmr's a long day. Sch's gonna be tough cos there's C programming. Something that im VERY weak in. help me lord, i commit my day to u. amen!
elise
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
@ 1:13 AM
Yay! i can finally sleep in peace now. I finished what I wanted to tell daniel long time ago. Another person knowing my blog. Antway, been sleeping really late these few days. Physically tired. Alot of things undone. Haven watch Eragon, exercising etc.. OOH! MY HEARTBEAT IS 106/MIN! My heart beats pretty fast huh?? Gonna see a doc soon regarding my chest pains and the clogs in my blood. Wasn't very scared. Thot it was no big deal. But Ruth asked me to anw. I shall obey. heh. Oh yea, i never read the book also :( Cos i took cab to sch and i spent $18.80 for it. A lesson on waking up early in future.- discipline. Working later on at 10am. Hope i wun be too sleepy. Gotta sleep now!
elise
@ 12:07 AM
Courage, courage courage. When will I ever get the courage to tell? I shall make a decision. Today shall be the day. I will take the first step. Go elise! you can do it. First step to success is to come out of fear.
Hello Daniel,
guess i dunno how to tel u. So i shall post it since im better in expressing myself here. Guess ive not been doing well last year. Alot of things happened, things go wrong, friends thingy and many others. These somehow make me lose my confidence in God and in everybody else. I dun dare to trust, believe, seek help etc. Wanted to tell u long time ago, but i din know when is the right time. But i think the HS has been telling me to open up, to trust in him again. Last year was a disastrous year towards the end to the point that I dun even know what's my conviction abt things of God. What keep me serving till now and all. I think ive lost the passion somehow or another, yet I wanna build a church for him at least once in my lifetime. I dunno what I want yet I know I wun give up because of what ive promised God. I dunno whether Im doing things for the sake of doing but on the other hand i wanna disciple my people to be strong. Ive become numb towards problems yet wanting to solve them. Worst of all, i dunno whether im in or out.
But i know that i promised to support you, to do my best, not to let ruth and God down, that's why Im still here. After all these years of hard work and toil, if i were to give up now, isn't it a waste? And, i still remember my baptism answer. Yes, I will follow him to the end till Jesus returns. That's why im telling u these. N telling u about my blog. I took great courage just to pen down all these. I hope u understand what I mean.
elise
I have big dreams for God. Church planting, building the youths, making impact everywhere i go. But sometimes i know that i will be overcomed by problems/setbacks in my life. Which will drag me down gradually. Therefore, i declare that friends meant alot to me. and I DO NOT have close relationship with any females in the church. Trying to build relationship with winnie tho. But i hope i wun be trying to hard to fit into somewhere I do not belong to. Guess that's abt all. Im fine. And i wil pull myself up again to complete the race just like the one that Shirley shared during service. And daniel, you will be the one supporting me when i fall again and we(the dmm) will be supporting u as we run the race together, facing all the setbacks/ problems as a team. Thanks for being there to listen and to dicern. Let God be in the center of our lives.
elise
Tuesday, January 9, 2007
@ 12:58 PM
In class now, nothing to do. My friends went to talks and here I am, listening to songs. In my own little world of comfort, then this song came:
Along life's road
There will be sunshine and rain
Roses and thorns, laughter and pain
And 'cross the miles
You will face mountains so steep
Deserts so long and valleys so deep
Sometimes the journey's gentle
Sometimes the cold winds blow
But i want you to rememberI want you to know
(chorus)
You will never walk alone
As long as you have faith
Jesus will be right beside you all the way
And you may feel you're far from home
But home is where he is
And he'll be there down every road
You will never walk alone
The path will wind
And you will find wonders and fears
Labors of love and a few falling tears
Across the years
There will be some twists and turns
Mistakes to make and lessons to learn
Sometimes the journey's gentle
Sometimes the cold winds blow
But i want you to remember wherever you may go
(Bridge)
Jesus knows your joy, jesus knows your need
He will go the distance with you faithfully(repeat chorus)
I guess this song is to remind myself that I will never walk alone. That Jesus will always be with me in all circumstances, that he wun ps me, that he wun leave me to struggle alone. I just need to trust in him to provide the best for me. Was just thinking how to go about finding my FYP group. The dateline's next week. N i still cant think of anyone to join me yet. =/ Kinda worrying. But still, I will trust and do my best to search for people. :) Hungry now. Gonna eat. heh. Coldd day. Brrr....
elise
@ 1:43 AM
I think God's telling me about integrity again. Am reading this book, 'Becoming A Person Of Influence'. It talks about modelling integrity. Sometimes I wonder, 'anyway, nobody can see what you are doing, why not?' It's just so tempting to give your integrity away just like that. But to Jim Dornan and his wife, it's an issue about self respect. And even if you cover everything really well, and people don't even know what you are up to, you yourself know! Which makes you feel guilty for that moment and when it comes again, it becomes a habit/cycle.
INTEGRITY IS AN INSIDE JOB
- integrity is not determined by circumstances
- integrity is not based on credentials
integrity is not to be confused with reputation
Learnt from all the points. Firstly first, the older we are, the greater the number of choices we make, whether good or bad. We are responsible for our own choices. And your circumstance are as responsible for your character as a mirror is for your looks.
As for the second point, no number of titles, degrees, offices,designations,awards,achievements can substitute for basic,honest integrity when it somes to the power of influencing others.
I'll end what I learnt from point 3 with this:
If i take care of my character, my reputation will take care of itself
It's getting late, tmr's school. And the weather is good now, raining.. I love this kind of weather when im at home. Good for reflection and taking time to settle all my thoughts. :) i thank God for your unfailing love for me. And for leading me, guiding me and protecting me all these while.
elise
Monday, January 8, 2007
@ 1:35 AM
ULM was a great insight for me. I seriously learnt alot. Too much for me to apply and digest in just one day. Basically, today's lesson's about moral integrity. Guess it has to do with morals? Conscience? For me, it does.
Anyway there's 7 points in this teachings. All of them are very practical except one. There u go:
- Never consider yourself above temptation
- Keep a close watch on our spiritual temptation
- Maintain your marriage
- Develop healthy outlets for emotional and sexual energy
- Guard your mind
- Remind ourself regularly of the consequence of moral failure
- Take neccesary precaution to protect yourself
Point 3 is not applicable cos im not married yet. haha. Maybe can apply next time. What struck me hard was point 5 and 6. Not that i have any sexual thots or whatsoever, but im someone who tend to think alot. To guard our mind means that to control the things that u choose to allow your mind to dwell on. If i keep dwelling on the past, on the mistakes tt i've made, the relationship tt i once had, I will NEVER grow. And the battle always begins in the mind. Everythings starts from the mind. If we keep thinking abt useless stuff, at the end of the day, we'll achieve nothing. Why not use your time to think of things that are beneficial in the long run??
Prepare your mind for action, be self controlled. [l pet 1:13]
And i learnt something new, here it goes: in the US treasury, bankers handle money everyday. They touch it everyday, know how it looks like etc. They are sooo familiar with the notes that once a counterfeit comes by, the banker will know immediately. Similarly, when we are convicted with the truth, we need not know about what is false/evil. When we are wise about what is good, we do not need to know what is bad.
As for point 6, I learnt about minimising pleasure, maximazing consequences. Truth is, we wun be tempted with something that are unattractive. Sin, is attractive. But when it is finished, it brings forth death. That's the consequence of sin. Which scares many people. Including me. And when I sin, I'll grieve God, lose my credibility, my close friends, my self respect and many others. When I think of the consequences, It'll somehow stop me from sinning. And i do not want to have a hardened heart, that's why when im in the midst of conscious sinning, I can suddenly be afraid, a sudden kind of guilt will sweep past me and I know that i sin again. Repentance after repentance, conviction after conviction. When will I grow out of it?
Its hard to be a leader, saying goes: much is given, much is expected. Many things are permissible, but not everything is beneficial. Choose to forgo certain rights that we have for the sake of our people so that we wun be discredited for our actions.
My food for thought for the night. Still thinking of my conviction I will hold dearly to. 3 powerful motivation:
- what you desire
- what you love
- what you stand to lose
Basically are the things that you are willing to die for which people work hard for to achieve it. okok. daniel asking me to sleep. Will update again soon!
elise
Sunday, January 7, 2007
@ 1:54 AM
O.o
Its late as usual. Shall have a short post on what I learn today.
I learnt in the point to realise the need for hardwork. About being aware of what needs to be done and being serious about working hard. I think I realy need to work hard. Had been kinda slacking in studying and not faithful in keying in stats. I guess this year will be a year where I learn to be diligent and having the spirit of excellence n everything I do. SO, I need to plan my time well. Having a time table and a organizer would be great! My practical action point for this point.
Another one is 'focus on the future'. Seriously, I do not know the plan God has for me, but I know i wanna achieve great things in the long run. I wanna plant a church, I wanna be salt and light to my family, build strong disciples etc. I really like this saying: Because God believe in me so much(even though I may not think Im up to standard), we begin to believe in God as well. And he will definitely work through us somehow or another. :)
Yea! This year shall be fruitful for me! More growth and adventure. hee. Anyway, I think this blog is getting lifeless. But I hope I will spice things up and people will be blessed somehow or another. ULM in a few hours time! Looking forward to it.
Gonna sleep alr. Nitez.
If I have 6 hours to cut a tree, I will spend 4 ours sharpening the ax- Abraham Lincoln
elise
Saturday, January 6, 2007
@ 3:30 AM
New insights! Actually not exactly new, but it somewhat struck me.
It is for freedom that christ has set you free. Stand firm,then, do not let yourself be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. (Gal 5:1)
Man! its true. I shall not let my thoughts rule me. But I shall rule over my thoughts. I cant believe it, Im making myself a slave to my thoughts?! Gosh. That's bad. But i will grow. Thoughts are just mere thoughts that are created by me. I shall not think soo much useless stuff and read more of God's word. It will cleanse my perspective on things. Furthermore, His thoughts are not my thoughts, neither his ways my ways.
And i came upon this verse: if you keep on biting and devouring one another, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other. (Gal 5:15)
Scary eh? It doesn't just apply in church context. As a friend, we need to know what's our limit towards jokes. Preferably dun go overboard. Likewise as for church, sometimes when we work too closely, there are times that we are sure to have conflicts, but we need to slove it in a biblical and logical way. Not shouting and saying things that you know will regret in the long run. Cos the wound at the heart will remain a scar forever. Anyway, practical point is: dun speak without thinking through the words. :)
Its rather late now. I think I shall sleep. Heh. goodnight!
elise
@ 1:41 AM
HAPPY BIRTHDAY VINCENT!!
5 Jan was my brother's birthday. He wasn't home for two days alr. Kinda miss supper times with him. He's now sleeping like a log. Oh well, this bro of mine is very sharing. He'll give me the good food while he took the not so good ones. A very caring brother who never fails to humor me with his dance steps and speech. Imagine a skinny boy dancing, looks like a stick moving around. Haha! Dunno wad to say alr, just love him much as my brother. He mean much to me, a good support to mum and me. =)
Oh well, its 147am and I cant sleep again. I think im probably thinking too much. Doubts were on my mind. Questions of why, what if.. Man! these things are driving me mad. Maybe i've not tried hard enough, on the other hand, its never enough. How hard I tried, how badly i fall, yet again. I'm tired, physically and mentally. A kind of tiredness I dunno how to explain. SHERPHERD!! help me! I want to have shepherdings. I wanna spend time with you.
Oh yea, today I discovered something about myself . A side of me that most people wouldn't realise. I hate to lose. Was playing hearts, kept losing and I dun even know why. Got soo frustrated that I practically played the whole day, hoping to win something. (apparently, I only win twice)
Went to played spades and I made a stupid mistake. It was obvious that my partner was kinda pissed. But i dun really know how to play, or maybe i didn't use my brain enough. Oh well, im not going to play again. Guess Im always succumb to the fear of failure. Let it be then. No wonder I dun like to participate in games, in anything that requires competition. Now i finally know. Thanks to those who made me realise that side of mine. Seriously.
Not gonna dwell on it anymore. Today(6 Jan) gonna be a busy day of meetings and receiving the word. I pray that HE will speak to me personally and give me new direction and vision for this year as I lead my people. Sometimes I really wonder, why did he choose me out of sooo many people to lead the high sch group?? What did he sees in me? Im just an ordinary plain jane. Well, I guess it's because of his grace, his love for me and he sees the potential in me. God uses people of all kinds. And its a priviledge to serve Him and his people. Though its not easy, I'll continue to persevere on, waiting for my rewards in heaven and knowing that my life is an impact to my people always motivates me to move on and build more generations within schools. =)
Okay, Im done with ranting. Dunno whether anybody will read but i just wanna show the real me here. Hope its not too stumbling though.
elise
Thursday, January 4, 2007
@ 12:56 AM
Din blog for a couple of days. Had stayovers after stayovers. Can say that it was fruitful. Spent my time wisely. Time flies. It's alr year 2007. Guess last year was a year of ups and downs for me. Life's more like a roller coaster. I did grew in certain areas of my life and some needs more sharpening.
Resolutions for next year:
- i wanna have more joy and peace in my heart. Joy as in serving God with great enthusiasm and expectation, building biblical friendships in the church, in my family with my siblings(2 sisters) and spending time with my shepherd and sheep.
- peace: to let God intervene with my thoughts, those that will build me down, I will not entertain. Want to see myself growing in this area.(which i personally thot I wouldn't need it in the past)
- security: shall not explain
- comfort zone, which can be linked to diligence. I think im too lazy in 2006. Hold me accountable in this.
- Humility: too proud to admit my mistakes in 2006 and ego too big tt its bad for me.
Man. This year's resolutions took me days to figure it out. Some even take humilty just to post it. But i wanna grow in this area. So that I will be a blessings to others. Heard from someone that prideful ppl hate their same kind. I dun wanna be hated because of my pride and stubborn-ness. Its not worth it.
And! New year, new hope! 2007 shall be a year full of adventures and victories for me! Looking forward to know what's God's plan for me in this year. It's all in your hands God, and i know that u'll be faithful with my life like u always did. Glory to glory, big victories to bigger victories! I give up the ability to lead my own life because I know that you have better in store for me! =D
elise
