Sunday, December 16, 2007
@ 10:54 PM
Im vexed. About alot of things. I think and I thought tt it is not right to feel this way. Yet i feel this way. Do you feel me? Not trying to emo or whatsoever. No all things can be said out loud.
Anyway, i had a bad dream yesterday which totally freaked me out. I woke up at 4 and wanted to msg everyone i had a really bad dream. I was in cold sweat and tears. I dreamt tt my group doesn't want to grow, tt they want things their own way. Ive got no support frm the CLs and im left standing alone. Scary. After watching warlords, I thought tt the support coming frm the ground is so impt to win the battle. Do i even have ALL the support? Shrugs. I couldn't sleep and was out of focus the whole day.
Celebrated Angela's birthday. It was the sweetest thing our cg has done so far. We went ben & jerry in the early afternoon. Zach and SY wrote a song for her. I could tell she was very touched and the song was about her. And the rest as usual. =) I couldn't help but feel abit ... jealous. sigh. elise, why are you so carnal? And i dun like it when ppl know wad im feeling. Maybe its an ego thing bah. The thing is, how can the church's celebration beat the ones outside church?! Frankly speaking, i dun like spending it with my ULM. Not becos it sucks or anything, but yea, maybe cos of the disappointment i face every year? shrugs.
Well, high expectation = high disappointment. Get use to life elise. Not everything will go your way.
Well, i remembered one of my best birthday celebration i had with my people.
One that they came my house at midnight and cooked things for me! I was extremely touched and thank God for their efforts. And the affirmation was really heartwarming and sweet. Thanks to the CC gals. My pillars. I will never forget that incident.
With my friends. Drove me to mount faber park blind-folded me and piggybacked me to this place and when i opened my eyes, i saw the beautiful stars above me. I was totally awed and teared. I spent the whole night there till i fall aslp and was sent back home safe and sound.
Wonderful friends ive got. Irreplaceable. Thank God for u.
What i learnt during camp: Even if i gain the whole world, i will eventually forfeit my soul. So i serve to my best. God, my lst love.
God, help me not to get discouraged over things i do not have control. I will do to my best and help me to be secure in leading the grp and knowing that im leading them to you. Grow the grp despite cicumstances and help bond the unit tgt. you know ive done my best and teach me to understand your heart cry for the people under my care. I know you will always be behind me being my cheerleader and the shoulder you gave during my down times. Thank you for just being there. there's no replacing of you. No one.
elise
