Saturday, January 6, 2007
@ 1:41 AM
HAPPY BIRTHDAY VINCENT!!
5 Jan was my brother's birthday. He wasn't home for two days alr. Kinda miss supper times with him. He's now sleeping like a log. Oh well, this bro of mine is very sharing. He'll give me the good food while he took the not so good ones. A very caring brother who never fails to humor me with his dance steps and speech. Imagine a skinny boy dancing, looks like a stick moving around. Haha! Dunno wad to say alr, just love him much as my brother. He mean much to me, a good support to mum and me. =)
Oh well, its 147am and I cant sleep again. I think im probably thinking too much. Doubts were on my mind. Questions of why, what if.. Man! these things are driving me mad. Maybe i've not tried hard enough, on the other hand, its never enough. How hard I tried, how badly i fall, yet again. I'm tired, physically and mentally. A kind of tiredness I dunno how to explain. SHERPHERD!! help me! I want to have shepherdings. I wanna spend time with you.
Oh yea, today I discovered something about myself . A side of me that most people wouldn't realise. I hate to lose. Was playing hearts, kept losing and I dun even know why. Got soo frustrated that I practically played the whole day, hoping to win something. (apparently, I only win twice)
Went to played spades and I made a stupid mistake. It was obvious that my partner was kinda pissed. But i dun really know how to play, or maybe i didn't use my brain enough. Oh well, im not going to play again. Guess Im always succumb to the fear of failure. Let it be then. No wonder I dun like to participate in games, in anything that requires competition. Now i finally know. Thanks to those who made me realise that side of mine. Seriously.
Not gonna dwell on it anymore. Today(6 Jan) gonna be a busy day of meetings and receiving the word. I pray that HE will speak to me personally and give me new direction and vision for this year as I lead my people. Sometimes I really wonder, why did he choose me out of sooo many people to lead the high sch group?? What did he sees in me? Im just an ordinary plain jane. Well, I guess it's because of his grace, his love for me and he sees the potential in me. God uses people of all kinds. And its a priviledge to serve Him and his people. Though its not easy, I'll continue to persevere on, waiting for my rewards in heaven and knowing that my life is an impact to my people always motivates me to move on and build more generations within schools. =)
Okay, Im done with ranting. Dunno whether anybody will read but i just wanna show the real me here. Hope its not too stumbling though.
elise
